Nothing like a charming cheekie chappy to lift the lid on the bigger picture out there! Today hitting the spotlight with great gusto is Michael “Atters” Attree whose show “Atters Attree’s Chaporgasmic Terrors is on at St. Peter’s Church Gardens for ONE night only commencing Tuesday 11th May from 7.00pm to 8.00 pm. After a fascinating interview with this most lively of characters, I would certainly skip along and see his show…. take it away Atters….
1. What inspired you to become a satirical writer, performer and comedian?
It may sound a little dramatic but if I were unable to take a pop at things by indulging my sense of humour – I’d swing from my braces.
2. What’s your show about and where are you taking your show after the Brighton Fringe?
Atters Attree’s Chaporgasmic Terrors is primarily a one man show – if only because the other live acts are women. The show is a tailspin-off of my national magazine series (as Editor of Paranormal Investigations). Citing numerous “magic laptop” projections, my ground breaking lectures generally involve the paranormal removal of women’s underclothing.
“Impossible” case studies include: British government space conspiracies, parachapology, a fossilised poltergeist, a lactating Nefertiti, irate UFOs, the abominable gayman, spontaneous human combustion, Siamese twin transvestites, lactating mermaids (probably), ectoplasm and the incarnate negligee of Mildred Roper. I will also showcase two saucily writhing sci-fi exhibits: Honour Mission – The 50 Foot Woman! and that saucy vooduo – The Flirtinis! Swabs will be taken and may god have mercy upon your soul (and wallet)…
As for after the Fringe… Well (at running the risk of punning all over my keyboard) I rather like the idea of tackling my show in yet another medium…
3. What are your funniest and worst experiences performing in front of an audience?
Luckily, both of the above happened at exactly the same time. A few years ago I performed a seminal segment of my show in Ireland (at Dublin’s premier Tassel Club). Part of my act involved “Ectowoman!” A saucy white spectre wearing nothing but ping pong balls for eyes. Alas, my first case study (number 666 “The Popes Paypal Stigmata”) did not go down too well with the Catholic audience. Worse still the projector broke. Naturally some deflective audience participation was required and I ended up with a crapulent head banger who refused to cooperate and just wished to gesticulate obscenities at the audience. Here the heroic compere (Miss Dolly Rocket) parried his abuse with a loud burst from my theremin. Sadly it remained stuck on a continuous castrati like scream (forcing everyone to hold their hands to their ears in blind agony). All this did not deter my buzzy stage volunteer who snatched my mic and announced “Tonight mofo… I’m gonna be Elvis!” (actually, his windmills were quite good). While the crowd jeered I attempted to reclaimed my turf. “Hark ladies and gentlemen! Something strange is stirring on the stage!” The plan here was to spectacularly ejaculate foam over a naked Ectowoman as she burst fourth on stage. Alas, I had hidden her so well I could not find her. As the violent audience/theremin screams continued – I put plan “b” into action. This involved grinning haplessly at the audience while a (faulty) aerosol nozzle impotently dribbled shaving foam down my leg. Through all the boos I even heard a shrill cry of “I-want-to-kill-you!”. The ultimate finale came when I suffered a heart attack (a pre-packed sheep’s heart was hurtled at me on stage)!
4. If you had a chance to work with anyone of your choosing, who would it be?
Any one of the four League of Gentlemen (radio/TV series) creators. However Mark Gatiss appears to be their paranormal connoisseur as he comically balances the darker and lighter sides of the subject brilliantly. British Amicus horror flows through his veins (the canny dandy also writes for Dr Who for gods sake). He likes The Chap magazine too. Being one of its long standing editors, I’m qualified to say his taste in satirical literature is impeccable…
5. Are you a gadget geek or a gadget freak? How do you see technology progressing to assist production and marketing of your show in the future?
I once persuaded actor Edward Fox to pull all sorts of one-off/bizarre expressions for a photo shoot. In the darkroom I noted (with some disappointment) that I hadn’t wound the film on. Later I worked as a (rather inexperienced) TV director-purely because I was too incompetent to do anything else behind the camera… I am a committed technophobe! I should get one of those special bloody parking passes!
However, I have just secured “atters.com” and shall endeavour to utilize Youtube etc. as a platform for my buffoonery/shows. I now just need a creative (and patient) “technician” to do all the hard work…
6. Which three famous people would you invite to dinner and why [dead celebrities included]? And what tasty treat would you prepare?
Jesus Christ (if he was just one person-I suspect he was a combination of a few bewhiskered do-gooders), Adolph Hitler and “hard hitting” actress Irene Handl. I think I would wish them all to feel relaxed, chatty and at home so I’d cook them something unpretentious like bangers and mash, followed by a bread and butter pudding.
7. What is the best book or books you have read and why?
I’ve enjoyed different book for different reasons… Maurice Sendak’s Where The Wild Things Are (the ultimate picture book – if read as a child).
The ghost stories of M.R. James (subtle, yet terrifying and of course vintage British…).
My coveted George II dictionary (with its long forgotten definitions of Bedlem, ignis-fatuus, Jill-flirts, cacafegos and occult arse-verses are truly enlightening).
Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet (a bit hippy dippy I know but – like I Ching – it’s a splendid cerebral tonic when in a rut).
The tragic London interviews by Henry Mayhew (involving early Victorian costermongers, prostitutes, punch and Judy men, beggars and thieves). The earlier Newgate Calendar is of a similar vein-just a bit more light hearted (in a gruesome, murderous, fatalistic sort of way).
George Orwell said it all in much of his writing (and diaries) but 1984 is such a gutting nail hitter one needs the escapist relief of Alice in Wonderland straight afterwards. The list of “best” books are endless – a surprise to myself (considering how little I read).
8. Tell us 5 interesting and unknown facts about yourself?
- I were not of woman born – but ‘From my mother’s womb untimely ripped’ (a Caesarean birth).
- Whilst living in London’s Crouch End, I witnessed the fiery death of Vivian Stanshall (from a Muswell Hill facing attic window). Spookily, it was one hundred years to the day after the death of Sir Henry Rawlinson. I also shared a poky fine art/film unit with an unknown Jarvis Cocker while at St Martins School of Art.
- Despite being frequently snapped at nauseating la-de-da private views etc., I’d diagnose myself as really quite agoraphobic and rather reclusive.
- As an infant I went to a minor Toffs school at Ickworth (in Suffolk). My contemporaries were “By Royal Appointment” rogues such as Lord Nicholas Hervey (who, like his disgraced brother the 7th Marquis of Bristol, topped himself). I dearly wished to fit in – but didn’t (I was not posh enough). I was demobbed to a village school in Berkshire yet openly rejected there too (I was too posh). I was immediately deemed “remedial” and lumped in with the chalk eaters, knee tremblers and “biters”. Each Thursday (after school) Professor James – a bow-tie clad demented German psychologist, inflicted Thematic Apperception Tests on me. Unbeknown-st to them all, I was not Richard Burton in The Medusa Touch – just a humble dyslexic. I was however highly creative and spent my days imaginatively committing genocide against the teachers and pupils.
- When I was seventeen I was once so in trouble I chose to hide in bed and regress back to when I was four (where no one could find me)! In doing so I believe I tuned-in to and re-lived a rather banal moment at that infantile age. Equally, at that very same “time” when four (while lamenting a mousetrap death under the dusty stairs at the cusp of dawn) I became conscious of linking with my consciousness – thirteen years in the future. It was a fascinating experience. I have endeavoured to prepare similar “time-pods” for my future. I have since also experimented with out of body travel and commune with inter-dimensional entities (often electronically recording my experiences while they happen). Well, Liz… you did ask!
9. What are you most proud of and what dreams or goals would you like to fulfill?
I’m rather proud of the fact that while at the aforementioned school, I rounded up all the neglected failures to form an elite crack squad called “The Fairy Cake Gang”. It was initially a support group for fops. They duly built their self elected “Fairy King” (me) a fetching breeze-block throne and awaited instruction. I would command my loyal army to taunt psychotic inbred elders, then sit back and watch my regiment get annihilated. Don’t get me wrong – it was for their own good… I was merely championing the weak and infirm (I was nice like that).
One of their more creative roll play games was called “Dinosaurs”. Here my “elite squad” took to piggybacking. The “jockeys” would seductively reveal their throats to each other -then (with a rather bizarre war cry of “crrreeeeaaammmmyy necks!”) they would charge at each other. The first to bite an opponents “creamy neck” was the winner. This game was not without humour but it all got a bit creepy and weird in the end and invariably descended into a sorry excuse to fondle each others testicles. Being purely an observer, I soon tired of the spectacle and left the Fairy Cakes to their own loveless future. A year later I remember glancing over my shoulder (while “taking tea” with some girlie near the bins) and noting how they all continued (rather poignantly) to shuffle around my derelict throne like disorientated zombies.
As for my dreams and goals… I have finally begun writing an “objective” book outlining over thirty years of my out-of-body experiments (and I would quite like to finish it too). A comedic TV/radio play sometime (very soon) would also be rather nice…
10. What do you think we can do as an individual to save the planet, if anything?
May I humbly suggest we avoid a dumbing down TV by researching the realities of our world via more independent sources. I know there are a few preposterous theories out there – such as no planes hit WTC building 7 or that all that WHO swine flu hype made billions for the pharmaceutical companies… Just Just YouTube: The World According To Monsanto, or Google The Bilderberg Group, or find out who will make lots of money out of all these new “green issues” and carbon taxes. It’s all very interesting (I promise).
One can then swiftly move on to the fun stuff like The Bohemian Grove, controlled demolitions, Rockefeller’s and the UFO Disclosure Project.
There’s a whole new world (order) out there for us to enjoy!
